Mountains of sappiness ahead: "the girl"

I've had about half a dozen conversations with a few friends of mine over the past week as a result of my "I don't want to be in love" post about "the girl, as we've come to call her.

"The girl" I love. "The girl" I can't get out of my head. "The girl" who, if she wanted, could demolish me completely with but a few words.

Remarkably enough, none of them said I sounded like I was stalking her. This was a big relief to me, because that's not what I want to do at all. I have no delusions or expectations of this girl, and I don't follow her around like a bloodhound. I just... really, really love everything about her.

I could talk for hours about how she's a brilliant woman with big dreams and a personality that makes you drunk with its potency. And the I could rasp incoherently the rest of my life, once I'd lost my voice from talking so much, about how much joy there is in every words she speaks.

And yes, I have noticed, just as anyone who reads this post would, that I could have lept into the Grand Canyon, with weights chained to my body, and landed on a concrete slab, and still would not have fallen as hard as I have for "the girl."

But I have realized a great epiphany in all of this: I can't deny it anymore. I can't try to keep this from happening, I am not in control here. I love this girl, and to deny that is not just a bad means of dealing with it; it's refusing a gift from God. As Jonas would say after finially getting to Nenevah, that is a bad idea.

I have no idea where to go from here. I have this theory, you see, that back in grade school there was a giant assembly for the boys and girls on how relationships and dating and such work. They explained how to ask a girl for a date, how to approach a woman at a dance, and how to turn a little thing into a real relationship.

Naturally, I was home sick with the flu that week and no one thought to share their notes, or the fact that such notes existed. As a result, I have been stood up, ditched, or just plain laughed at every time I've tried to get a date.

So, admitting this absolute lack of knowledge about how this works, I'm pretty much going to guessing at every step of the way here on. And perhaps the first step is to figure out exactly what I want.

What is that? I want to make her feel the way she makes me feel. That is my goal.

Perhaps the best thing to say to my audince, then, is "Keep watching. If nothing else, this should be entertaining... in a train-going-off-the-tracks kind of way."