Faded

I'm living in a surreal world these days here in what could be called "my old stomping grounds."

I've been completely out of it for 3 months, and in that time the memories of my hometown and my college town faded a great deal. I walk downtown and everything seems new, yet eerily familiar.

I've been putting in a few hours at my dad's gas station, and I'm able to go through all the old motions of pumping gas, washing windows, and doing general maintanence on vehicles. I don't know how I'm doing it, but I am.

Remember The Bourne Identity? That's the best comparison I can make of it.

I'm going about in a state of confusion, I don't know where I am, yet if I need or want something I can get it. I can decide to go to the store, then a few minutes later I'm parked in front of Ray's Apple Market wondering how the hell I got there and why the parking spaces are so narrow.

These past two nights I've gone on long walks out into the country, winding up standing alone in the middle of the road, staring out into open prairie and feeling the wind.

And when I'm out there, it's so surreal for I know where I am and don't know it at the same time.

And it's quite a high.